More Work? zug zug

Work was really starting to become like well ... really hard work. The work itself was dirty but really easy, I could do the job in my sleep maybe this was part of the problem.

I absolutely love listening to music as I walk around, so I normally arrive at work buzzing with excitement and happiness then on the way in I pass some kind of invisible barrier that strips that from me. I get in, sit down and time slows down ... way down. I can sit there for what feels like ten or twenty minutes and only five minutes have passed. I've tried hiding the clock on my computer so I'm not constantly checking it but that doesn't help.

I'm starting to feel every single minute, my chair is getting increasingly uncomfortable, the sound of the fans on the servers next to me grows more grating and I can feel the for sale sign embedding itself deeper into my soul. I'm getting so desperate to pass time that I'm eating a lot more, popping out to the shop next door can painlessly pass a few more minutes almost 10 if you eat what you got from the shop slowly. My lunch partner likes to eat lunch around 12:30 but several times now its got to 12:00 and I've just had to go to lunch, I need to get out of there. Also nearly every lunch hour someone else would be coming to do something on my computer. I have a screen saver that kicks in after 45 minutes and its quite rare for my screen saver to be on when I returned from my hour lunch break.

The onset of boredom and resentment kicked in way quicker that I was expecting it to, I had never been an official developer before I was hoping that would make a difference. When I arrive at work I really do want to work, this passionless way of spending half my waking day really gnaws at me. Its just when I sit down in front of the computer my mind rebels it just struggles to do things it isn't interested in, luckily these days there is an Internet and I have a good stock of mp3's to listen to. I don't know what I would do without them.

I almost walked out today, one of the senior developers that I'm good friends with had a big shouting match with the guy that owns the company. His angry words struck a cord with me as it was all the normal complaints that I have heard and felt over the years, I decided in a moment of solidarity that if he walked out I would too, he didn't.

I know rationally that I probably need a reference from these guys and that earning money is good but ... there has to be a better way. My contract now has run out with them, but they are very keen for me to stay. I've negotiated a four day week which is a splint but I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on there.

I remember it wasn't always like this there where times in the past when I actually really enjoyed going to work, I used to really care about the quality of what I did. Looking back now these tended to be the times when I was creating things, innervating or at the very least thinking and learning.