Texas Vultures

I had always for some reason assumed that making male friends was a lot harder than making female girlfriends. When I caught myself thinking about this I noticed myself using a lot of the rubbish thinking processes and fuzzy logic that I would normally pick someone up on and challenge.

So I picked myself up on it and recently I have also been collecting the phone numbers of some of the cooler guys that I have been meeting recently and this Thursday we where heading to town for a night of drunken mischief. The group split fairly early, Dave an Irish guy who reminded me a lot of Dylan Moran had brought one of his room mates along some guy named Bo from Texas.

Normally the Americans that are out and about traveling the world are good people the same as you or I, its the ones that hang out in the middle playing banjos and voting Republican that you need to be worried about. There was something about Bo that didn't quite compute, he was introduced to me as a football coach I joked that our version of football deserves the name more after all it was not only historically existed first but we actually use our foot to kick the ball for the entire game. This annoyed him and I backed off.

I walk a lot, I like walking especially with my ipod because then I can either learn something or kind of dance while I'm walking to the music. I enjoy both very much. Its only a 10 -15 minute walk to town. I've just noticed that a 10 minute walk sounds short but a 15 minute walk sounds long ... interesting.

Anyway a couple of minutes into the walk Bo asked why don't we get the tram, I replied because its only a short walk, Bo grumbled, I added besides by the time we wait for a tram at this time in the night we might as well have walked there. This flagged as strange the drunk Irish guy who had never done any exercise ever was happy to walk but the super fit American wanted to get the tram.

When we arrived at the pub (the Joint) the machinations from the Bo guy just didn't sit well, the people I had hand picked for tonight where on the whole very smart, funny and kinda lent to the left politically. Somehow George Bush got mentioned and Bo proudly said I voted for him.

... A silence griped the assembled table ...

It was as if a steak had just been thrown into a pack of hungry dogs, there was a pause, the calm before the storm so to speak as everyone just process they had received from there senses. Even though we had only consumed a couple of beers by this point we seemed very ready to blame Bo for pretty much all the problems in the world. It really wasn't a fair fight we outnumbered him five to one, and he would continue to make matters worse for himself by saying some really uninformed things like George Bush is obviously really smart. I was temped to phone Gena and tell her that one of her country men was embarrassing himself and she should come down here to fix him. Very shortly Bo left and conversation returned to normal.

In fact a little to normal, the guys wanted chicks, I said a few things they called bullshit and I was called open to demonstrate my dukedom. They would point out a table of women I would go over there and start talking, then far to rapidly the entire of team Mike would bundle over mob handed and pretty much spoil everything. It was like trying to fish with a bunch of angry toddlers jumping in the water shortly after you cast your line.

I was quite happy to feed them women in fact I was enjoying the social status but they were getting a little to veracious, and the whole table charging in just wasn't working.

I went for a new tactic I would speak to individual or small groups, and them pass them off one at a time to one of my friends. But like a Vulture, one of them would swoop in the moment I disengaged for more than a second with any women that I happened to be talking to. This seemed better, but not ideal. Anyway it was about three in the morning by now and I had to be up for work in four hours. I left them at the pub and got a taxi back home.