Friday

Well well well, Friday night again. I was so up for this weekend, after my first full week of work it was party time. I have a girl that I'm really quite fond off (by the way it might not be you! ;o) Stop being noisy and reading my blog, you should be studying for your masters!) , I thought it would be nice to enjoy a few quiet drinks without the compulsion to go and gather phone numbers.

I went to The order a nice place, but like a lot of the cooler bars in Melbourne it didn't fill up to later. If your on your own in a bar you really need other people there, there where a few groups of people scattered around but only two groups of women without a male escort. I got a beer, stood by the bar ... and ... well ... drank some of it ... something was missing ... I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I decided something odd might be going on and it would be best to check with unescorted women group one. Safety in numbers and all that.

They where pretty cool, I was very impressed with myself not getting their phone number, but I think that kind of disappointed them. I decided to leave before they tried to force it upon me.
Now unlike the photos linked above The Order its really dark inside and just as I was leaving unescorted women group two happend to be leaving too. I asked them casually if they knew any good places to go to and they kind of kidnapped me. Once we got to the less dim lights of the streets I noticed that I have just been kidnapped by a middle aged group of women.

The true horror of this fact sank in when I was in the taxi with them heading to a pub outside Melbourne.

'Well you see for every seven single women in Melbourne over thirty there is only one single man'

There where 4 of them and one of me, almost half their normal odds, I was deep in enemy territory and surrounded, part of me wanted to jump out of the car while it was still moving, part of me wanted to stay this out to the end so I could write about it in my blog. you guys don't realise the sacrasies I make for my readership, this may be an ammusing read to you but to me it is my life! I decided to keep my composure and continue our dialog.

'Was there a big war or something that killed all the men?'

The taxi pulled up in the middle of nowhere, we queued to get into a bar, then once inside the bar we queued again to get upstairs. At least for the inside queue we had drinks. One of the women had developed this habit of backing into me, I would be standing there then she would stand in front of me and reverse until she touched me. I moved away every time she did this, but she retested every hour or so in case I had changed my mind.

Luckily one of there younger friends was upstairs and I got talking to her, her name was Sue and she owned horses. I parked myself by the bar to protect myself from random reversing and set about trying to get free horse riding lessons. Sues relative youth seemed to project a protective aura that kept my kidnappers at bay. They would stop by form time to time to give me a drink but then move on. When she went to the toilet they all started to approach again. If they captured me again they might not let me escape ... I dashed off to the one safe place I could think of the men's toilets.

You know sometimes when you go up to the urinal and you just can't pee and its really embarrassing because your just standing there not peeing? Well its worse if you only went to the toilet for protection and stood up next to the urinal and tried to pee out of habit rather than actually needing to. After a few more drinks Sue gave me a lift home my chastity intact, I really should be more careful, that was a close one I dread to think what would of happened if she hadn't been there.