Through the looking glass

I had amassed rather a large collection of phone numbers on my various expeditions, maybe it was the accent or maybe the fact that I was on my own and therefore much more prone to talking to people. I believe it may have been a nexus of causal pathways. I had a lot of new numbers on my phone, with no idea who most of them were. So I started picking random ones and messaging them and arranging dates. It was kind of like a blind date but with people I had already briefly meet.

Wednesdays and Thursdays dates where fairly normal, I don't spend more than half an hour on the first date, its just nice to meet quickly and check that the woman isn't crazy (well crazy for a woman) and have some light conversation. I find this works really well, you can quickly qualify people and decide what to do next without investing to much time. Also this works really well with attractive women, they are just to guys trying to spend as much time with them as possible, then one turns up has a coffee and leaves surprisingly. You really are best off making a good impression then getting the hell out of there.

One crime most salesmen make is overselling things, I think most daters make the same mistake. There also seems to be a lot of psychological evaluation that goes on the first time you meet someone from both sides, I find that the less time spent in that awkward phase the better. Should you wish to continue the date move to a knew location and for some reason it seems to count as a second date and things get strangely easier. Obviously this is aimed for people that want to start regally dating people or starting a relationship. If you just want to sleep with someone then have a long first date but change locations as often as possible. This distorts their perception of time and makes it feel like they have known you for longer.

Friday was when things started to get interesting I had a date to see the football with Emma. Yeah I was already breaking my own rules, in the next paragraph no less. I was here for new experiences and to try new things after all. It turned out Emma was Em the lesbian from last week and she had brought her girl friend with her. She was late so we missed the start of the football and the massive queue outside the ground put us off from even trying to get in. It was a strange date, but with the outside chance of a threesome I committed to it with every fiber of my soul. After a few drinks in some really rather awful bars we headed to a pub named the The lounge. It was a nice place, music loud enough to dance to but quiet enough to talk to.

About midnight we started to head for home, through all the recent dating I found my thoughts were increasingly introspecting on the past. It was like the more women I was meeting the more I was longing for past women, maybe this was some kind of home sickness? It's not really something I have encountered before. I had meet some ok people but no one that I shared a chemistry or spark with. As I got back from the hostel I typed out a drunken email to Claire, she was the one I was mainly thinking about (and also the only x-girlfriend that would reply). To those of you that have received a drunken email from me, yes I am aware of the spelling check function while drunk. Its just drunken Mike believes that spelling and grammar checking somehow take away from the potency of the message.

Almost as soon as I sent the email to Claire, I got 2 text messages, I assumed it was Claire replying ... but no ... I had two text messages from girls I meet last week inviting me into town. I was tired from a weeks work (my first in a while). But I hatched a cunningly plan. I went to meet Bell (the first text girl) at Cookie while sending texts to the other girl pretending to be lost. I shall be shallow again! I think by the time I first met Bell my beer googlies where well and truly attached, misted up and it must have been a foggy night. I needed to drink fast, make my excuses and go try the next girl.

On the way out I noticed the best thing about Cookie, there is what looks like a mirror behind the bar. However on closer inspection it was actually another bar! It was like peering into a parallel bar universe, but with no means of reaching the other side. Me and some girls around me attempted to make contact by throwing beer mats through but this just really annoyed the bar staff. They didn't seem to understand the importance of what we where trying to achieve and insisted we stopped.

The first contact girls then held me prisoner till I told them the whole story of Alice in wonderland. Reality really is a lot strange than fiction. I wish I could explain how this situation had happened but I can't. One of the women was Tasmanian, I couldn't for the life of me understand her so one of her friends translated for me. Also one of women wasn't to bright and kept asking me when do I get then bit about the yellow brick road.

Once out the pub I started texting number two pretending that I now knew where I was, it turned out girl number 2 was Bell's friend. Yeah that's right, the person I had been texting saying I was lost had been sitting next to Bell and me the whole time. Now when I had literally just left her and her friend, I was now sending her a text message saying I had found my bearings and was ready to meet her. I got a very angry text back, I had overstepped the mark in quite glorious style. I felt bad (but strangely proud) and started to head for home.

I was just walking down the road when I got a text from Monique text blaming me for the bad weather. I was rather proud of my reply as it talked of a butter fly flapping its wing in Brazil. Citing Chaos Theory (aka the butterfly effect) while this intoxicated filled my drunken mind with joy. Anyway I met Monique we headed to the Lounge again, she was interesting and we shared a pleasant few beers.

'Dam I have to be at work in 3 hours'

My heart felt for her, it was already 6 in the morning and her rapidly approaching requirement to attend work while she was still drunk reminded me of my own past. I headed home again, and in and sent Claire an even more drunken email then went to bed.