Mosty Moistly

I think in my travels I have set off some kind of karmic alarm. It was like Australian's where uniting, acting as one in a kind of immune system response to get me to leave the country. For some reason no Australian person would return my calls or messages. It was very odd, all my English and foreign friends would reply but not a single Australian would. This ranged from mildly annoying that people I meet in bars the previous nights not replying, to Irritating blond nurse (I actually can't remember her name she is on my phone as blond nurse) not replying. To extremely annoying as my old company hadn't payed me yet and refused to contact me!

This was a very clever response on the Australian's part, my main achilles heel is that I really need human contact. I thrive on it! I really don't like my own company that much and find being on my own for any lenght of time very difficult. If someone wanted to extract information from me all they would need to do was leave me on my own for a few hours and I would be ready to tell them everything. This was really starting to drive me nuts, till I finally got a text message. It was from Heather saying that she could no longer make our date tonight, that really didn't help.

There where three reasons I decided to head to Brisbane,

1. I know someone here named Cheryl, but she had been here a while and was obviously becoming part of the resistance movement. She would text me arrange to meet then text me just before saying she couldn't make it. This happened more than once!

2. The Weather was warmer

3. Heather, I liked here when I meet her in a bar Melbourne and she said to contact her if I ever was over Brisbane way where she lived.

To be completely honest these reasons where probably placed in reverse order of importance. I had just flown across a county for a date and she had just canceled. Am I crazy? (well more crazy than I previously thought) what the hell am I playing at?

I felt myself teetering on the abyss, the hostel I was in was pretty unfriendly and there was no space to hang out and talk to people. There was a bar but the music was just a little to loud for a proper conversation. Somehow they had also got to Claire all the way over in England, she stopped talking to me too we normally exchanged emails almost daily but I had heard nothing in nearly a week!

Luckily this reaction stopped, almost all at once everyone started replying to me again. Maybe they where just giving me a warning. I meet an interesting girl named Sarah she was just having a quiet drink after work and she arranged to take me on a tour of the pubs in town tomorrow (she even turned up, continued in the next post). She left and I was on my own my own in the pub enjoying a quite drink when trouble found me.

If you learn one thing from this blog learn this, Norwegians are crazy, don't under any circumstances start drinking with them especially if they are female. After being force feed a few more shots than I am comfortable drinking it was decided we where going to play dare or dare. A variation of truth of dare but without that all so easy way out truth option.

Things started off light hearted and fun I got one of the girls to go up to a guy on the dance floor and comment that his dancing reminded her of John Travolta. But things rapidly got worse, I was made to go up to a woman and say

'Are you sucking that lolly pop because you don't have a penis to suck on'

Her boyfriends eyes burned a whole in my face with the look he shoot me as those words left my mouth. I moved away ... fast. For my revenge I sent one girl off to ask an Asian guy is it true that you have small penises, and the other I sent off to go and give the really creepy bald guy a head massage. This is where things got even more out of hand, the creepy bald guy starting following around the Norwegian girl and nothing could persuade him to stop. There revenge was swift and brutal:

' I have a big penis, would you like to have sex?'

Not the normal kind of thing I would say to a girl, the main problem was it wasn't a girl I was talking to. Things must be so much easier on the gay scene, as the guy held my hand and said yes. Red Alert ... I instantly sobered up, I had crossed the line enough times by now to know that it had just been overstepped again. I knew this was bad and was causing much hilarity from my Norwegian "friends". I simply ran (it worked before) as no words could possibly justify what I had just done. It was here that I stopped playing, unfortunately the guy I had just spoken to didn't know the game was over and was heading in our direction.

But their revenge wasn't complete without missing a heart beat one of the girls instantly dared the other one to go over to the guy I had just spoken to and tell him about how I really liked him but was just coming out of the closet and not fully confident yet.

I got my coat and I ran. All in all a very fun night.