Back to normal

A couple of days ago I entered a Pool competition it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I wasn't expecting much, just maybe potting a few balls before I got knocked out in the first round. Sadly this wasn't to be so, the first guy I played also couldn't play pool to save his life.

Round 1

The tournament had two tables but our game was lasting so long that the whole tournament had to stop and watch us finish it. I could feel the eyes of the real pool players burning into the back of my head as I fumbled around the table missing almost every shot. I think I was stretching the very limit of Australian hospitality people where starting to openly make noises when we missed. To make matters worse nearly every guy in the pub was in the pool tournament leaving a whole pub full of women frolicking unattended over the other side. I wanted out, I hatched a brilliant plan I would try and pot the black ball, lose and get myself knocked out. My opponent quickly noticed what I was doing and then started to do the same. It was a very strange game, sadly due to my opponents slightly superior pool playing skills I Won.

Round 2

Now here was a guy that could play, before I even had a shot he had potted 3 balls, this made me happy I was going to lose and lose fast. He even did a jump shot over one of my many balls remaining on the table. I had just one ball potted when he was on the black, with a mighty shot he slammed it into the corner pocket, this was great, I was out and most the guys where still hanging around the table ... but ... then ... the white ball ... oh my god ... no ... the white ball still had a lot of momentum left from his shot and had just potted itself.

'good game'

He said while giving me the most resentful hand shake of my life.

Round 3 (Quarter final)

I was finally beaten ... oh yes! Most the guys had lost interested so the ratio over the other side was back to normal, but to be honest I was just happy to finally lose.

The next day the hostel had a drag act on I found this out when I happened to be in a lift with them, I was expecting the lift to go down I had pressed the down button after all but instead it was heading up.

'I thought we were going down'

I said this very innocently, but let me tell you if you are ever in this situation it is probably one of the worst things you could say. Drag queens are not the kind of people to let this kind of opportunity to mock you pass by.

I was heading to town to find a free hot spot so I could help someone with their java code, serves me right for being nosy and looking for what they where doing on their lap top I guess.

On the way a very attractive woman stopped us and tried to get us to donate some money to Charity, it was a very interesting negotiation. We struggled to find common ground, given that she wanted me to give money to charity and I wanted to have sex with her. It ended up with me and her boss sitting in a pub having a few pints and him offering me a job raising money. I accepted I was toying with going into sales anyway as I had never done anything like it. As I was collecting money for a good cause it freed me from certain moral obligations about using some of the very sneaky NLP/hypnotic sales things I knew.

I know some of you thinking that this isn't a proper job and your probably right, its pretty dodgy I'll be working on a 100% commission basis its exactly the kind of job I would never normally dream of doing. But it kind of felt like fate, the universe seemed to be pushing me in this direction so I'm quite happy to run with it for a bit. Also how many job interviews have you had where you got to drink 3 pints? (reading that back now the 3 pint thing makes it sound even dodgier)

I'm now fighting the good fight, starting Tuesday collecting money for good causes, my life finally has a purpose. (well for at least the next couple of weeks)