Brisvegas

The winter weather here in Brisbane is absolutely great! Most days its in the low 20's so its lovely and warm. That nice pleasant feeling of warmth you feel on your skin, now without getting to hot.

I was heading to town to feed my Internet blogging and food addictions and on the way a very attractive woman stopped me and tried to get me to donate some money to Charity, it was a very interesting negotiation. We struggled to find common ground, given that she wanted me to give money to charity and I wanted to have sex with her. I was getting a strong feeling of deja vu. We talked for a few minutes and she offered me a job, maybe I was being given a second chance maybe the universe wanted me to be a charity mugger. It might be my destiny!

I decided if that was my destiny then I wasn't going to accept it, I had only just stopped feeling bad about the last bunch of people I had conned. I left.

The Internet cafe I've been using is called the Bunker, its one of those cool gaming Internet cafes and there's a lot of people here 24/7 playing World of Warcraft. I was up early one morning and got here about 06:30 and there were still 6-7 people playing World of Warcraft. It is like a modern opium den.

'Hello, I'm feeling really seedy this morning'

Heather had just phoned, and she had picked a really interesting opening.

'So put on a rain coat with nothing underneath and hang out in a park'

I liked my reply a lot but in Australia seedy means hung over, very different to the English meaning, we had both just hit the language barrier at full speed but Heather was cool, we joked a bit and arranged to meet the following day.

That day I pottered round town for a bit, rang some more recruitment consultants and hung out in the botanic gardens (not wearing a rain coat!). I found a nice quiet spot listened to some hypnosis stuff on my ipod. I also got lost in thought and pondered, I think at some point I actually felt at one with the universe. It was very nice and relaxing.

That evening I headed out to meet Sarah from yesterday. I didn't recognise her! She had transformed into the most flawlessly beautiful woman I had ever seen. Her breasts so pert and well shaped, I should probably stop looking at them, no it just wasn't possible no matter how much I tried my eyes just ended up there. How could I not have noticed that she was the most attractive woman in the world yesterday. I said to myself

'I wonder how I'm going to mess this one up'

Now this is a very interesting statement to give yourself, from a hypnosis NLP point of view I had just given myself a conversational postulate, an embedded command and a presupposition all in one sentence. I know about positive thinking etc. etc. and quickly caught it and fixed my mind up and got back into my dating state.

Other things had changed in Sarah's transformation, she had become really boring, really really boring, really really really boring. I tried everything I could to enjoy our conversation but it just wasn't working. I think she most have sold her soul to the devil last night in exchange for become the most perfect womanly creature.

Two guys across the table where having a heated philosophical debate, I felt like I was talking to cardboard. I really tried to talk to Sarah really I did. She was so pretty I really wanted to enjoy her company. But there was just nothing there and the other guys across the table where both wrong! They where talking about perception's of reality and I was talking about Sarah's cat. Eventually my mind snapped I charged into the guys conversation. Stringing as many big words as possible into a sentence to establish my creditability. This obviously impressed them and we preceded to have a very lively and interesting debate. I positioned myself so my ear was towards them so I could hear them but still look at Sarah. All was right with the world, I think I felt at one with the universe again, that's nice achieving Zen twice in one day.

Sarah would occasionally try and join in the conversation, but she was out of her depth this was the World Wresting Federation of conversation, I say that because it looked and sounded really impressive but I'm fairly confident we where just taking it in turns to talk. After a couple more drinks Sarah left she returned about half an hour later with another guy. At the same moment a girl with red wine danced into me spilling it all over my favourite white shirt. I reacted to both events simultaneously I took Sarah to one side and for some reason said:

'I can't believe how rude you've just been I'm not putting up with that' She looked confused and I found myself in the interesting position of storming off because I had been rude. Anyway I was enjoying the storming and headed home for the night.

Now I realize the past few blog entries have been slightly darker (they get happier on the next one, I'm a bit behind on the blogging at the moment so its a bit laggy) . But I really think that moment when I first saw the new Sarah and said to myself

'I wonder how I'm going to mess this one up'

I really hit on something important. I don't think I want a happy ending, at least not for a while. I've been really enjoying the roller coaster adventure I'm on. For some reason I absolutely love writing a blog. I feel I owe it to you my loyal readers to keep this interesting and entertaining. I don't want this to end yet. How boring would this blog become if I got together with the most beautiful woman in the world, feel in love blah blah blah. Obviously I'm a non fiction writer so with no narrative or characters to play with I need to actually do crazy things in order to write about them. Well not actually do crazy things deliberately(that would be crazy) but to be truly myself and see what comes out on my adventures.

Have fun!

Mosty Moistly

I think in my travels I have set off some kind of karmic alarm. It was like Australian's where uniting, acting as one in a kind of immune system response to get me to leave the country. For some reason no Australian person would return my calls or messages. It was very odd, all my English and foreign friends would reply but not a single Australian would. This ranged from mildly annoying that people I meet in bars the previous nights not replying, to Irritating blond nurse (I actually can't remember her name she is on my phone as blond nurse) not replying. To extremely annoying as my old company hadn't payed me yet and refused to contact me!

This was a very clever response on the Australian's part, my main achilles heel is that I really need human contact. I thrive on it! I really don't like my own company that much and find being on my own for any lenght of time very difficult. If someone wanted to extract information from me all they would need to do was leave me on my own for a few hours and I would be ready to tell them everything. This was really starting to drive me nuts, till I finally got a text message. It was from Heather saying that she could no longer make our date tonight, that really didn't help.

There where three reasons I decided to head to Brisbane,

1. I know someone here named Cheryl, but she had been here a while and was obviously becoming part of the resistance movement. She would text me arrange to meet then text me just before saying she couldn't make it. This happened more than once!

2. The Weather was warmer

3. Heather, I liked here when I meet her in a bar Melbourne and she said to contact her if I ever was over Brisbane way where she lived.

To be completely honest these reasons where probably placed in reverse order of importance. I had just flown across a county for a date and she had just canceled. Am I crazy? (well more crazy than I previously thought) what the hell am I playing at?

I felt myself teetering on the abyss, the hostel I was in was pretty unfriendly and there was no space to hang out and talk to people. There was a bar but the music was just a little to loud for a proper conversation. Somehow they had also got to Claire all the way over in England, she stopped talking to me too we normally exchanged emails almost daily but I had heard nothing in nearly a week!

Luckily this reaction stopped, almost all at once everyone started replying to me again. Maybe they where just giving me a warning. I meet an interesting girl named Sarah she was just having a quiet drink after work and she arranged to take me on a tour of the pubs in town tomorrow (she even turned up, continued in the next post). She left and I was on my own my own in the pub enjoying a quite drink when trouble found me.

If you learn one thing from this blog learn this, Norwegians are crazy, don't under any circumstances start drinking with them especially if they are female. After being force feed a few more shots than I am comfortable drinking it was decided we where going to play dare or dare. A variation of truth of dare but without that all so easy way out truth option.

Things started off light hearted and fun I got one of the girls to go up to a guy on the dance floor and comment that his dancing reminded her of John Travolta. But things rapidly got worse, I was made to go up to a woman and say

'Are you sucking that lolly pop because you don't have a penis to suck on'

Her boyfriends eyes burned a whole in my face with the look he shoot me as those words left my mouth. I moved away ... fast. For my revenge I sent one girl off to ask an Asian guy is it true that you have small penises, and the other I sent off to go and give the really creepy bald guy a head massage. This is where things got even more out of hand, the creepy bald guy starting following around the Norwegian girl and nothing could persuade him to stop. There revenge was swift and brutal:

' I have a big penis, would you like to have sex?'

Not the normal kind of thing I would say to a girl, the main problem was it wasn't a girl I was talking to. Things must be so much easier on the gay scene, as the guy held my hand and said yes. Red Alert ... I instantly sobered up, I had crossed the line enough times by now to know that it had just been overstepped again. I knew this was bad and was causing much hilarity from my Norwegian "friends". I simply ran (it worked before) as no words could possibly justify what I had just done. It was here that I stopped playing, unfortunately the guy I had just spoken to didn't know the game was over and was heading in our direction.

But their revenge wasn't complete without missing a heart beat one of the girls instantly dared the other one to go over to the guy I had just spoken to and tell him about how I really liked him but was just coming out of the closet and not fully confident yet.

I got my coat and I ran. All in all a very fun night.