Take two

This is what I meant to say yesterday before I got stuck on the whole time tangent thing.

Things are so different now than they where when I arrived in fact they are massively more different than at any time in my past. I'm reasonably set up here, I have a girl friend that already has all the qualities I'm after in abundance. I haven't even needed to house train her, change her taste in music or anything. I have a couple of friends. Most importantly I have a plan for roughly how I want the rest of my life to pan out.

I'm sure this plan will evolve as I continue but its wonderful to have something to head towards. The only real purpose of a goal or plan is to inspire you into action anyway. I'm missing a couple of small points like a place to live or a job but these are just small details that I'm sure will work them selves out eventually. I've always know there is a lot of jobs waiting for me all over the world, I believe the skill is in avoiding them rather than finding them.

The is a slight down side in that I'm not adventuring as much as I was, I'm having more fun now than I was but I'm starting to think about possible ways of combining the best aspects of both realities. For example I'm only loosely associated to the people in my hostel, I'm not there very much anymore and I don't feel like part of the community. Now I noticed one evening I was using this not feeling like part of the community as a reason to not go and talk to people, making it a self fulfilling prophecy. I started to wonder just how many other times I've done this before.

There just isn't the urgency to talk and make friends that I had when I started, I've even been sitting in the bar reading and pretty much ignored the girls coming and sitting next to me, even when they tried to start talking. I'm just not used to this feeling of contentment. This is of course all in my mind and if it in my mind it is under my control. Its our life and we can brew whatever cocktail of feelings we wish.

Its just at the moment it kind of feels like playing poker without money, without the risk it really takes the edge off things. I've decided to go on another night out on my own again and spice things up by just doing some more experiments.