There is a girl in my hostel named Lauren, she's very nice and I've shared a couple of drinks with her and some light funny text conversations. All well and good except her boyfriend is a complete over protective possessive psychopath, I was about to find this out in my own special brand, head first Blogortunity way (aka the hard way).
Lauren was due to meet Mr Psycho outside the hostel and was a couple of minutes late due to talking to me. Her boyfriend stayed in the car outside and sent a couple of lackies in to pick her up. They arrived in the bar, looked pretty shocked when they found her with me and told her that her presence was required outside. This reminded me so much of Mafia movies I couldn't help but notice and ask them, how do you become henchman? I've always thought I would have use for a couple.
They smiled and explained that they were only coming in because ... well they where scared what Jay would do if he came in and saw Lauren doing ... well exactly what she was doing. Somewhat relieved that I hadn't just flirted with the God Fathers girlfriend I set about having another drink or two with the other people that frequent my hostel bar.
Later that night Lauren phoned my almost in tears after the inquisition she had just suffered, I was really shocked to find out that she had only been with him about three weeks and she didn't even really like him. Its just he didn't really give her and choice and she was already scared.
I explained that things where only going to get worse and pointed out a few things and this and that would hopefully help her realize that. Basically, even though I was somewhat biased because of her blond attractive nature I decided she would be better off without a crazy person in her life. She agreed and we stopped the conversation with her ready to call it off (I recommended in a public place)
I didn't see her for a couple of days, then one night I walked past her in the corridor shes looked really worried and scared. I said hi she said I can't stop now hes waiting outside for me again. That morning at about 05:00 am I was awoken by a text from Lauren, I wouldn't normally answer a text at five in the morning but this one might be an emergency.
The conversation was as follows:
L: 'Are you awake?'
M: 'I am now, are you ok? You looked really worried when I last saw you, at least 10 years older than normal'
L: 'Why would I be worried I was with J'
M: 'Because hes a psycho hose beast thats going to kill you one day and wear your skin as a suit'
The texts stopped, that evening I happened to bump into Lauren again and she denied all knowledge of the text messages, I showed her them on my phone and she had them on her phone too. Thats right her boyfriend had got up at five in the morning gone through her phone and pretended to be her. Thats also right, hes crazy and stupid because he didn't even delete the messages on her phone. Yeah right again I had just sent a text message to a nutter saying that he was a psycho hose beast that was going to skin and kill his girlfriend ... D'oh!
The next evening I get a call form Laurens boyfriend from her phone.
'I've got some questions to ask you, Why are you calling my girl? I would like to speak to you outside'
In my mind the words outside normally mean that the talking would involve a little more physical contact then normal. I decided to test the situation and see what the stakes where.
'What happened to you to make you so crazy?'
He exploded, my unconscious took control, I vaguely remembered some Sensi telling me once that the angrier a person was the more they wanted to fight but the less well they could do it because of how tense they would be. My minds auto pilot seemed set on testing this. I to be honest was getting worried and the phrase 'your egos writing checks your body can't cash came to mind' But the rational brain was in the back seat by now as the raging cave man part of my brain ... high on adrenaline was on a mission to beat up the bad guy and save the girl.
The phone call ended, I talked to my unconscious,
'What the hell was that?'
It responded by turning my mind into a Rocky movie montage like thing, it was scanning through all the fights I had even been in all the trainings I had gone to. It was working stuff out at a speed that I wasn't really able to grasp. Kind of reminded me of a computer program loading in very old software. I just started stretching and warming up, I went down stairs very calm and waited. I guess this was one of those times I was going to be tested.
About forty minutes passed, I gave Lauren a call, she said the words 'Hes Coming ....' the phone then went dead. Yes! The phone went dead while she was mid sentence... boy my life had just turned into a Quentin Tarantino Movie! I waited another hour it was one in the morning by now, I sent a text saying look I'm off to bed if you decide to show up call me. I barely slept that night my mind was still high on whatever man juice hormone fight or flight cocktail it had brewed for the occasion.
I got up in the morning my mind was still thinking about fighting, I did as much exercise as I could to burn off the hormones and get my brain back to some semballence of normallity. That helpped a lot. This leads us to where we are now, I text Lauren about once a week to check shes still alive and this seems to be the end of the matter ... or is it?
Monday, 13 August 2007
Friday, 10 August 2007
Friday
Well well well, Friday night again. I was so up for this weekend, after my first full week of work it was party time. I have a girl that I'm really quite fond off (by the way it might not be you! ;o) Stop being noisy and reading my blog, you should be studying for your masters!) , I thought it would be nice to enjoy a few quiet drinks without the compulsion to go and gather phone numbers.
I went to The order a nice place, but like a lot of the cooler bars in Melbourne it didn't fill up to later. If your on your own in a bar you really need other people there, there where a few groups of people scattered around but only two groups of women without a male escort. I got a beer, stood by the bar ... and ... well ... drank some of it ... something was missing ... I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I decided something odd might be going on and it would be best to check with unescorted women group one. Safety in numbers and all that.
They where pretty cool, I was very impressed with myself not getting their phone number, but I think that kind of disappointed them. I decided to leave before they tried to force it upon me.
Now unlike the photos linked above The Order its really dark inside and just as I was leaving unescorted women group two happend to be leaving too. I asked them casually if they knew any good places to go to and they kind of kidnapped me. Once we got to the less dim lights of the streets I noticed that I have just been kidnapped by a middle aged group of women.
The true horror of this fact sank in when I was in the taxi with them heading to a pub outside Melbourne.
'Well you see for every seven single women in Melbourne over thirty there is only one single man'
There where 4 of them and one of me, almost half their normal odds, I was deep in enemy territory and surrounded, part of me wanted to jump out of the car while it was still moving, part of me wanted to stay this out to the end so I could write about it in my blog. you guys don't realise the sacrasies I make for my readership, this may be an ammusing read to you but to me it is my life! I decided to keep my composure and continue our dialog.
'Was there a big war or something that killed all the men?'
The taxi pulled up in the middle of nowhere, we queued to get into a bar, then once inside the bar we queued again to get upstairs. At least for the inside queue we had drinks. One of the women had developed this habit of backing into me, I would be standing there then she would stand in front of me and reverse until she touched me. I moved away every time she did this, but she retested every hour or so in case I had changed my mind.
Luckily one of there younger friends was upstairs and I got talking to her, her name was Sue and she owned horses. I parked myself by the bar to protect myself from random reversing and set about trying to get free horse riding lessons. Sues relative youth seemed to project a protective aura that kept my kidnappers at bay. They would stop by form time to time to give me a drink but then move on. When she went to the toilet they all started to approach again. If they captured me again they might not let me escape ... I dashed off to the one safe place I could think of the men's toilets.
You know sometimes when you go up to the urinal and you just can't pee and its really embarrassing because your just standing there not peeing? Well its worse if you only went to the toilet for protection and stood up next to the urinal and tried to pee out of habit rather than actually needing to. After a few more drinks Sue gave me a lift home my chastity intact, I really should be more careful, that was a close one I dread to think what would of happened if she hadn't been there.
I went to The order a nice place, but like a lot of the cooler bars in Melbourne it didn't fill up to later. If your on your own in a bar you really need other people there, there where a few groups of people scattered around but only two groups of women without a male escort. I got a beer, stood by the bar ... and ... well ... drank some of it ... something was missing ... I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I decided something odd might be going on and it would be best to check with unescorted women group one. Safety in numbers and all that.
They where pretty cool, I was very impressed with myself not getting their phone number, but I think that kind of disappointed them. I decided to leave before they tried to force it upon me.
Now unlike the photos linked above The Order its really dark inside and just as I was leaving unescorted women group two happend to be leaving too. I asked them casually if they knew any good places to go to and they kind of kidnapped me. Once we got to the less dim lights of the streets I noticed that I have just been kidnapped by a middle aged group of women.
The true horror of this fact sank in when I was in the taxi with them heading to a pub outside Melbourne.
'Well you see for every seven single women in Melbourne over thirty there is only one single man'
There where 4 of them and one of me, almost half their normal odds, I was deep in enemy territory and surrounded, part of me wanted to jump out of the car while it was still moving, part of me wanted to stay this out to the end so I could write about it in my blog. you guys don't realise the sacrasies I make for my readership, this may be an ammusing read to you but to me it is my life! I decided to keep my composure and continue our dialog.
'Was there a big war or something that killed all the men?'
The taxi pulled up in the middle of nowhere, we queued to get into a bar, then once inside the bar we queued again to get upstairs. At least for the inside queue we had drinks. One of the women had developed this habit of backing into me, I would be standing there then she would stand in front of me and reverse until she touched me. I moved away every time she did this, but she retested every hour or so in case I had changed my mind.
Luckily one of there younger friends was upstairs and I got talking to her, her name was Sue and she owned horses. I parked myself by the bar to protect myself from random reversing and set about trying to get free horse riding lessons. Sues relative youth seemed to project a protective aura that kept my kidnappers at bay. They would stop by form time to time to give me a drink but then move on. When she went to the toilet they all started to approach again. If they captured me again they might not let me escape ... I dashed off to the one safe place I could think of the men's toilets.
You know sometimes when you go up to the urinal and you just can't pee and its really embarrassing because your just standing there not peeing? Well its worse if you only went to the toilet for protection and stood up next to the urinal and tried to pee out of habit rather than actually needing to. After a few more drinks Sue gave me a lift home my chastity intact, I really should be more careful, that was a close one I dread to think what would of happened if she hadn't been there.
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Pay Day!
I had forgotten the joy of pay day, for the first time in over a year my bank account actually went up! That's such a nice felling, I had almost taken it for granted before. I know its just number on a screen but looking at those numbers go up put a big old smile on my face.
I also had my first moment where I felt Melburnian, someone asked me for directions and I actually knew the way.
Out of interest I went to a Socialist Alternative meeting again, for about half the meeting I was bored and the other half I was cringing at how bad these guys where at public speaking. What they where talking about was a really interesting subject, important things that happened in history that are almost being covered up by the education system/media. Its just they presented it in such a bad way I struggled to stay focused.
They tried to get me to give them $150 dollars to get on a bus to go to Sydney with them, they also wanted me to buy lots of over priced pamphlets and because of my salary donate $80 a week! I get the feeling I was about the only non student or pensioner there and they wanted me to bank roll their cell. Well that's not me, I agree that the current system has some pretty big holes in it, but it mostly works. I really don't think having a revolution and starting again from scratch will help much.
There will always be people that seek to exploit whatever system we have as John Lennon said If you want to learn to lead you need to learn to smile while you kill.
I also had my first moment where I felt Melburnian, someone asked me for directions and I actually knew the way.
Out of interest I went to a Socialist Alternative meeting again, for about half the meeting I was bored and the other half I was cringing at how bad these guys where at public speaking. What they where talking about was a really interesting subject, important things that happened in history that are almost being covered up by the education system/media. Its just they presented it in such a bad way I struggled to stay focused.
They tried to get me to give them $150 dollars to get on a bus to go to Sydney with them, they also wanted me to buy lots of over priced pamphlets and because of my salary donate $80 a week! I get the feeling I was about the only non student or pensioner there and they wanted me to bank roll their cell. Well that's not me, I agree that the current system has some pretty big holes in it, but it mostly works. I really don't think having a revolution and starting again from scratch will help much.
There will always be people that seek to exploit whatever system we have as John Lennon said If you want to learn to lead you need to learn to smile while you kill.
Monday, 6 August 2007
Job Daze
It was strange to be working again, because of this and that I hadn't had a job for over a year. Boy did working again hit me like a ton of bricks!
It was seven o'clock, not the nice seven o'clock when you meet people for dinner or drinks its evil morning twin that I had completely forgotten about took me by surprise. My alarm was ringing and I was distraught I didn't want to be awake yet, I could feel the warmth of my sheets, I was under a cosy sleepy malaise. I panicked what could I do, I had to get up for work, but I wanted to sleep more.
SNOOZE. Holly mother of God! I had forgotten about the snooze button, the thought of the snooze button united ever fiber of my body as it resonated to a truly great feature of human engineering at its very best. Yeah the Egyptians built some giant triangles, the Chinese put some bricks down in a line, but the snooze button rocks way more than they do! Elated I pressed it and settled down for another glorious 9 minutes of sleep. Having been removed form this habit for a while I was surprisingly aware of the internal negation that went on during this time.
Ring Ring ... I don't need to shave, and why brush my teeth I haven't eating anything in hours
9 minutes later
Ring Ring ... I don't need a shower I had one yesterday.
9 minutes later
Ring Ring ... Breakfast? The most important meal of the day? Not today pal.
Seriously can you imagine skipping any other meal like that.
'Michael dinners ready'
'Don't worry about it I'm just going to sleep for 9 minutes instead'
But anyway its was my second day and by lunch time the novelty of being at work again had worn off and I was bored, really bored. I had promised myself I was going to actually work this time round. I had perfected slacking off while appearing productive to such a degree that I would normally do less than an hours actual work a day in my prime. I once spent two weeks doing nothing but playing Tetris, I enjoyed my brief stint as a profession Tetris player, far more than the high pressure week I spent trying to complete Spider Solitaire on hard.
I had promised myself to reform, but well this job was dull and the Internet is interesting. Working doesn't suit me and I seemed to be more productive in my hour than most people seemed to be in a day anyway. Maybe I should find a job that interests me and engages my mind. I've slacked off so much in the past I'm actually bored now of slacking off, in fact thinking about it, I'm going to find an interesting job!
It was seven o'clock, not the nice seven o'clock when you meet people for dinner or drinks its evil morning twin that I had completely forgotten about took me by surprise. My alarm was ringing and I was distraught I didn't want to be awake yet, I could feel the warmth of my sheets, I was under a cosy sleepy malaise. I panicked what could I do, I had to get up for work, but I wanted to sleep more.
SNOOZE. Holly mother of God! I had forgotten about the snooze button, the thought of the snooze button united ever fiber of my body as it resonated to a truly great feature of human engineering at its very best. Yeah the Egyptians built some giant triangles, the Chinese put some bricks down in a line, but the snooze button rocks way more than they do! Elated I pressed it and settled down for another glorious 9 minutes of sleep. Having been removed form this habit for a while I was surprisingly aware of the internal negation that went on during this time.
Ring Ring ... I don't need to shave, and why brush my teeth I haven't eating anything in hours
9 minutes later
Ring Ring ... I don't need a shower I had one yesterday.
9 minutes later
Ring Ring ... Breakfast? The most important meal of the day? Not today pal.
Seriously can you imagine skipping any other meal like that.
'Michael dinners ready'
'Don't worry about it I'm just going to sleep for 9 minutes instead'
But anyway its was my second day and by lunch time the novelty of being at work again had worn off and I was bored, really bored. I had promised myself I was going to actually work this time round. I had perfected slacking off while appearing productive to such a degree that I would normally do less than an hours actual work a day in my prime. I once spent two weeks doing nothing but playing Tetris, I enjoyed my brief stint as a profession Tetris player, far more than the high pressure week I spent trying to complete Spider Solitaire on hard.
I had promised myself to reform, but well this job was dull and the Internet is interesting. Working doesn't suit me and I seemed to be more productive in my hour than most people seemed to be in a day anyway. Maybe I should find a job that interests me and engages my mind. I've slacked off so much in the past I'm actually bored now of slacking off, in fact thinking about it, I'm going to find an interesting job!
Saturday, 4 August 2007
Revolution, Revolution!
It was Sunday, I didn't have any particular plains today, so for fun I went the Anti Nuclear march, I'm not particularly against Nuclear power or weapons it just I've not been to a protest before. Its a hot topic in Australia at the moment as it contains about 25% of the world Uranium reserves, but doesn't have any nuclear power stations or weapons.
To make things more heated they have just discovered vast amounts of Uranium under the small tracts of land the already heavily persecuted Aboriginal population owns. Apparently John Howard the Australian prime minister (Ultra right wing, think Margaret Thatcher meets George Bush) has just sent the army and police in to take control of the areas.
I joined the march, their was a contingent in the march waving red flags and they had some drummers with them. I marched with them mostly because I really liked the drumming, they also gave me a red flag to wave, I've never held a flag before so I waved it with a lot of vigor ... I was really enjoying myself marching to the drums waving my flag, chatting to the odd person.
It was interesting to hear lots of people chanting different things, but occasionally a single chant would catch on and the crowd would unite as one to chant it. I didn't join in, because well I really wanted my flag waving and marching to do the talking. This was noticed and a couple of other red flag bearers came up to me and asked why I wasn't joining in. In an all to typical moment I had to think of an intelligent reason as I didn't think my flag waving would cut it. Especially under the circumstances, they might take my flag away and I was becoming really rather attached to it.
'I don't really know enough about whats going on to chant, I'm not the type to just chant just because other people are'
For some reason they where really impressed by this, and set about trying to recruit me for their movement. I probably should have just told them about the flag and drum thing. They made me an offer I couldn't refuse, they where meeting in a pub after the march and offered to buy me a drink if I came along. The other thing that really swung it was I got to send a text message to whatever girl I was meeting on that day saying.
'Sorry can't make it today, I've joined Socialist Alternative we are going to fix the world!'
She didn't reply ... ever again! Oh well, it was worth it, how often do you get to send a text like that?
The meeting started off fun, lots of lively debate, I seemed to be stuck in the role of devils advocate. Some people would make wild claims that just didn't ring true, I know language well enough now to tell when someones trying to pull a fast one. I think they welcomed having someone to get annoyed at.
Anyway for an anti capitalist organization they tried to sell me a lot of stuff, as the meeting progressed and more beer was drank, talk turned to the Socialist Revolution, this is where they lost me really. For starters I'm a big fan of Capitalism and all its many benefits, besides am I allowed to start a Revolution on a 417 working holiday visa?
To make things more heated they have just discovered vast amounts of Uranium under the small tracts of land the already heavily persecuted Aboriginal population owns. Apparently John Howard the Australian prime minister (Ultra right wing, think Margaret Thatcher meets George Bush) has just sent the army and police in to take control of the areas.
I joined the march, their was a contingent in the march waving red flags and they had some drummers with them. I marched with them mostly because I really liked the drumming, they also gave me a red flag to wave, I've never held a flag before so I waved it with a lot of vigor ... I was really enjoying myself marching to the drums waving my flag, chatting to the odd person.
It was interesting to hear lots of people chanting different things, but occasionally a single chant would catch on and the crowd would unite as one to chant it. I didn't join in, because well I really wanted my flag waving and marching to do the talking. This was noticed and a couple of other red flag bearers came up to me and asked why I wasn't joining in. In an all to typical moment I had to think of an intelligent reason as I didn't think my flag waving would cut it. Especially under the circumstances, they might take my flag away and I was becoming really rather attached to it.
'I don't really know enough about whats going on to chant, I'm not the type to just chant just because other people are'
For some reason they where really impressed by this, and set about trying to recruit me for their movement. I probably should have just told them about the flag and drum thing. They made me an offer I couldn't refuse, they where meeting in a pub after the march and offered to buy me a drink if I came along. The other thing that really swung it was I got to send a text message to whatever girl I was meeting on that day saying.
'Sorry can't make it today, I've joined Socialist Alternative we are going to fix the world!'
She didn't reply ... ever again! Oh well, it was worth it, how often do you get to send a text like that?
The meeting started off fun, lots of lively debate, I seemed to be stuck in the role of devils advocate. Some people would make wild claims that just didn't ring true, I know language well enough now to tell when someones trying to pull a fast one. I think they welcomed having someone to get annoyed at.
Anyway for an anti capitalist organization they tried to sell me a lot of stuff, as the meeting progressed and more beer was drank, talk turned to the Socialist Revolution, this is where they lost me really. For starters I'm a big fan of Capitalism and all its many benefits, besides am I allowed to start a Revolution on a 417 working holiday visa?
Thursday, 2 August 2007
Job hunting
Well even after my five hour interview ordeal I didn't get the test consultant job. It was a really strange rejection though, a week after the interview the HR girl phoned me and said (exact quote)
'I'm sorry were really gutted but we can't offer you a job'
Then went on to explain that the reason they took a week to call me was they where trying to squeeze me in somehow. Any how it was time to look for a new job, it was about half eleven and I had just walked into a job agency in Melbourne.
'I'm sorry you need to phone and make an appointment first' said the receptionist almost angry that I had dared to walk in uninvited.
'Ok, do you have the phone number of who I need to call? Are they busy at the moment?'
I got the number and he wasn't seeing anyone so I phoned him up and explained that I was in reception and would like speak to you about getting a job? To the receptionists dismay he agreed and we had a nice chat, he was shocked at how rude the receptionist was to me. I was just happy that I had phoned him from reception in front of her. It reminded me once of when I was in a curry house and they where taking so long to bring our food we phoned the take away number and placed our order again. They where very shocked to hear our address was table twelve.
The next recruitment place was even better, I walked in and the receptionist was just in the middle of sending me off explaining that they don't normally do IT jobs, as one of the recruitment agents I would latter get to know as Matt came in. The receptionist paused and looked at him as he said.
'Do we have any IT people on the books?'
The job was as a VB developer not my normal area of expertise, I explained that I had done some in college (it was only 8 years ago) and if he gave me a computer for a couple of hours I could learn it well enough to pass an interview. He lent me a training computer I downloaded VB 2005 express and set about teaching myself the language I would need to blag an interview. I then went straight to the interview still wearing my jumper that by now had some slight Chinese stains on it from lunch. I passed the interview on the spot and was due to start work the next day on a three week contract.
After Matt finished worked he call me and took me out for a beer, he was pretty amazed at what I had just pulled out of the bag, in fact a little to amazed to be honest. I basically did my normal conversational trick I use with guys of saying pretty much nothing apart from nodding yes or asking a question about their last sentence or two. Within an hour he was asking me if I would like to be the computer guy on a possibly very lucrative science project he was working on. Not content with this he also asked if I wanted to live in the extension he was just about to finish on his house and would I like to buy his car very cheap. I thanked him politely and left before he started stalking me. Its really weird how well people get on with you when you don't say anything.
'I'm sorry were really gutted but we can't offer you a job'
Then went on to explain that the reason they took a week to call me was they where trying to squeeze me in somehow. Any how it was time to look for a new job, it was about half eleven and I had just walked into a job agency in Melbourne.
'I'm sorry you need to phone and make an appointment first' said the receptionist almost angry that I had dared to walk in uninvited.
'Ok, do you have the phone number of who I need to call? Are they busy at the moment?'
I got the number and he wasn't seeing anyone so I phoned him up and explained that I was in reception and would like speak to you about getting a job? To the receptionists dismay he agreed and we had a nice chat, he was shocked at how rude the receptionist was to me. I was just happy that I had phoned him from reception in front of her. It reminded me once of when I was in a curry house and they where taking so long to bring our food we phoned the take away number and placed our order again. They where very shocked to hear our address was table twelve.
The next recruitment place was even better, I walked in and the receptionist was just in the middle of sending me off explaining that they don't normally do IT jobs, as one of the recruitment agents I would latter get to know as Matt came in. The receptionist paused and looked at him as he said.
'Do we have any IT people on the books?'
The job was as a VB developer not my normal area of expertise, I explained that I had done some in college (it was only 8 years ago) and if he gave me a computer for a couple of hours I could learn it well enough to pass an interview. He lent me a training computer I downloaded VB 2005 express and set about teaching myself the language I would need to blag an interview. I then went straight to the interview still wearing my jumper that by now had some slight Chinese stains on it from lunch. I passed the interview on the spot and was due to start work the next day on a three week contract.
After Matt finished worked he call me and took me out for a beer, he was pretty amazed at what I had just pulled out of the bag, in fact a little to amazed to be honest. I basically did my normal conversational trick I use with guys of saying pretty much nothing apart from nodding yes or asking a question about their last sentence or two. Within an hour he was asking me if I would like to be the computer guy on a possibly very lucrative science project he was working on. Not content with this he also asked if I wanted to live in the extension he was just about to finish on his house and would I like to buy his car very cheap. I thanked him politely and left before he started stalking me. Its really weird how well people get on with you when you don't say anything.
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
The Truth, you cant handle the truth!
Because the contents of this post may come back to bite me in later life it has been classified. Simply send me an email an I will send you your blog entry if you have the security clearance.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
